ADVICE ON LOSS OF LOVED ONE

She died, and I was crushed because she had been my best friend for over 15 years.

We had raised our children together, laughed, cried, and spent almost every morning together over a cup of coffee.

I had been there for her 3 years previously, when her 48 year old beloved husband died of cancer, and she was there for my husband and me when we grieved because we missed him.

She took to riding her husbands motorcycle after his death, saying she felt close to him when she rode it. And she died on that motorcycle, when another driver in a car didn't see her, and hit her head on.

At first I was so angry at her, because she didn't have on a helmet when that car hit her, and i had begged her so many times to wear one.My anger at her lasted for a few weeks, then overwhelming greif overtook me, and I felt devastated all over again.

I have lots of friends, and a very supportive family, and they all tried to say and do the right thing that would comfort me, and help me, but I just wanted to wallow in greif, and by golly, I did!

It didn't bring her back, and it didn't help me any, either.

But I will tell you honestly what did help me: It helped when my other friends let me cry in their presence, and understood, and kept coming back, instead of trying to avoid me because they didn't know what to say or do.

It helped when I talked excessively about her, and what a good friend she had been, and noone tried to change the subject. It helped when other friends did some of the things she did, even though it was not something they would normally do, they did it because they loved me, and that sunk in.

It helped when people didn't try to "spare" me by not mentioning her name. It helped that noone told me I had to get over it, or snap out of it, or she wouldn't want me so sad, etc., because I knew all this, and they knew it, too.

It helped when my other friends cried because I cried, even though some of them didn't know her as well as I did. And it helped when for no reason, after months had passed, and I would break out crying, and someone just hugged me, or held me, or looked in my eyes, and understood.

If this all sounds like I was a pitiful, weak wreck of a person who needed lots of support and comfort, then I have made you understand just a tenth of how horrible I felt.

This beloved friend of mine gave me so much, we shared so much, and she was the only person that would tell me the absolute unvarnished truth about anything I would ask her: "Hey, Elyse, do you like my new haircut?"

"Nope, I think it makes your face look too full, but luckily, your hair grows fast!"And ultimately, with her death, she gave me one more thing....She once again gave me love, unconditional,undeserved sometimes, even unwanted sometimes LOVE.

People loved me thru this, and sometimes I was not lovable, I went thru all kinds of emotions, I was angry, and jealous that noone else had this pain, and sometimes I was just plain confused.

But these wonderfull freinds and family of mine never gave up on me, and once again I realized the value of freindship, and caring, and most of all, love.

Heres to you, Elyse, your love and freindship will never leave me, I feel it every day of my life. Thank you, my dear friend!