ADVICE ON HOW TO TREAT OTHERS..Don't make victims

Today as I pray for the vicitms of the California fires, I realise that whoever started the blaze
made many victims. Homes and posessions lost, all gone in a flash.

As we go thru life, how many times do we make others our victims? We are having a bad day
so we lash out at the sales clerk who makes a simple mistake..........making her the victim
of our anger.

Some one gives us a little too much change,and we keep it , instead of correcting the mistake, we secretly rejoice , making
them the victim of our greed.

And the list goes on, and the transgressions get bigger... we waste food, while others starve,
and plunder land and culture for the ever growing greed for fuel.

No one can change all in a day, but each of us can do our part, in small ways.

Just for today, don't make anyone your victim. Do what you can to make the world
a better place.
You might like the satisfied feeling it gives you and want to do the same tomorrow, and the day after.

Think carefully before you act....
Who will be your victim today?

ADVICE FOR EMPTY NESTERS ..Your job isn't over!

One by one, as my two grown children left home, I started to panic!

They didn't "need" me anymore, and were proof positive that they could, and would, live without my daily input into their lives.

I t wasn't long until the phone calls came, and they were asking old Mom how to do this, or that, and for a recipe, or for news about relatives.

By now, I was thinking hey, this isn't so bad......then came what I call the big"lull", no more calls, no input needed, and when I called them, they were either gone, or it seemed to me, rushed to get back to whatever menial task they were performing at the time.

Now it was sinking in, they really didn't need me, they were just homesick, or lonely, and as they had settled in to their new lives, it was once more apparent to me that they really didn't need me or my opinions.

And the biggest shock of all was when I discovered that each one of them did things different than I had taught them too!

They were little things, like putting trash bags in the can, without a spare one placed underneath, not using the last paper towel that is always glued to the roll, etc, etc.

As in my opinion they needed me less and less, I decided to take the new found time I had on my hands to do some things I had always wanted to do.

I started a small at home business, took some college courses, bought a computer , and learned how to use it, started a small online business, and soon I was a very busy woman again.

Now the kids were calling me, or stopping by, and I was the one who was busy, or wrapped up in my new life!

As I found myself explaining to the kids about the courses I had taken, or how to do this or that on the computer, or the aspects of my two businesses, I realized they were genuinely interested in my endeavors.

Then listened, and asked intelligent questions.

They both became computer literate, because of me, and we found ourselves once again, mother and child,i.e. teacher and child!

But something was just a little different, this time. I realized things had changed, ever so slightly. My children were also teaching me.They taught me little tricks and tips about cooking, and housekeeping. These things they learned by trying out their wings. The lights came on for me! I realize my job as a mother will never be done, but it will be different.

I will teach them, yes, but they will teach me, too, and we both will gain respect and admiration, one for another.

If you are a new "empty-nester", find and learn something new, give your children their space, and be prepared to learn from them, just as they have learned from you.

Keep busy,but leave a little time for your new relationship to blossom with your grown children, as believe me, your job is not over!!

ADVICE FOR SEEKING GOD'S WAY....Is GOD behind your couch shaking?

Is God shaking because there are driveby shootings, kids in grade school packing guns, violence all around, and kids in turmoil? I don't think so. Is God behind your couch? Is He hiding? No, not at all! Where is God in your home? Well, He is exactly where YOU put Him!I am not talking about your religious affiliation, or your churches doctrine. I am speaking of values, morals, and what we are teaching our children. There is much, much more to the simple statement "God-fearing" that most people realize. Our country was founded on these principals, but somehow we have slipped away from them.When we fear God, we try not to displease Him, right? What is wrong with trying to do the right thing, or treating people like we would like to be treated? What is wrong with doing to other people what we feel God would do? NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING! But we have become a feel-good nation of people, and we certainly like to blame society, or the times, or "kids today", but we have not alluded to the fact that WE are society, and WE are the ones our children learn the most from, and WE are the ones that raised them.Have you ever heard the old saying "It takes a whole Nation to raise a child"? How profound, and how true! So, even if you don't have any children, you are still raising them. So shouldn't we all try to be "God fearing"? Of course we should, but noone wants to hear that. And when we try to speak up, we are accused of "preaching", or not being politically correct. It is time to speak up, speak out, and practice what we preach!We all have choices, and we live in a free country where we can execute these choices at our will. What will YOU choose? Will you let your children think that morals are whatever they think makes them feel good? Will you let them think shooting someone you don't like is ok, if you want to? Will you let them think its ok to turn your back on someone in need, or to do what you want, when you want, no matter who it hurts?Choose what you will, teach what you want. What was your name again? Oh yeah, you are "society", and "they", or "them", and you are "the village". Now what will your choices be????

ADVICE FOR CAREGIVERS.....Are YOU an adult caregiver? Then say this out loud.....

I need help. I need a break. I need some time for myself. If you are an adult caregiver, these are things you will sooner or later say to yourself. Learn now to say them out loud. Say them to those in a position to provide "releif" care for your loved one. And do not feel guilty, because Mom, Dad, Grandma, or whoever will most definately benefit from a break from you, also.We kept my aged grandmother in our home for 6 months before her death, to keep her from going to a nursing home to be cared for by strangers. And at the time, our 2 children were 8 and 9. It was very difficult, as grandma had severe medical problems, and my husband worked 3 different shifts. Don't misunderstand, we all would do it over again in a heartbeat!But this is not an easy job, and it probably is not something everyone is cut out for. Grandma had severe diabetes, a colostomy, cancer, and eventually cognitive loss. I am an Activity Coordinator, and had been a cna and cma for 15 years before we took grandma into our home, so I had some training into how to care for her.I also have talked to many families who ended up putting their loved one in a nursing home, because they cannot keep up the pace. And sometimes, this is the best choice. But if you have decided to give dependent adult care a try, then there are several things you should know first.First, learn to reach out for help. Do not try to do it all yourself, it is unreasonable , and you will end up bitter, and your loved one will feel the pressure, so ask for help, take time for yourself, and family!!! You all will be better off in the long run.Secondly, and very important, do not do for them anything they are capable of doing themselves. We all must maintain some level of dignity to remain happy and mentally healthy. So, if grandma can comb her own hair, but cannot walk to get to the comb, then hand her the comb and let her do it herself. Even people with advanced stages of cognitive loss can usually do certain tasks. It will be your challenge to seek out what they are capable of doing, and allow them to do it. Don't insult their dignity by combing their hair for them, when all they really needed was for you to get the comb for them! Get the idea?Next, listen, really listen to their opinions! You might not agree, but you can certainly give them the courtesy of truly listening. And I want to clue you in on something: They probably have already forgot more than you know, so just keep that in mind.Another thing to remember is to give your loved one some space. No one wants someone with them all the time, and neither does grandma, or whoever. So when she is watching t.v., or whatever, go into another room and give her some time to collect her thoughts, or pick her nose in private, for goodness sakes!Ask before you do, even if it has to be done, ASK FIRST, even if there is no response, ask, ask, ask! Simply put: Grandma, could I wash your face for you? no response, lets say, then: O.K., I am gonna wash your face now, hope you feel refreshed now, or whatever. Even people with cognitive loss need to be allowed the option of choice. Even when they aren't capable of making the choice, you are leaving their dignity intact, and this is so important.And in closing, I can tell you that you will run the gamut of emotions when you are an adult caregiver, but the rewards of caring for someone you love, and who has loved you will be forevermore in your heart. And one final thing, you notice I have frequently used the term adult caregiver?? Always remember they are ADULTS and not children, whatever the circumstances. Speak to adults in adult speak. Pretty simple, but very important.And last, God Bless you in your efforts, and may He guide you, and strengthen you, your rewards will be many, but your praises will be few.

ADVICE ON FINANCES...C.E.O. of the family finances, a serious job for a joker like me.............

But SERIOUS it is, and SERIOUS I do take it. I have been both a stay at home mom, and a working mom, but the families finances have always been my responsibility. One of the most important things to remember is PAY YOURSELF FIRST. Always save something out of each paycheck. And make your savings plan realistic, so you can stick with it. If you bring home 100 a week, don't try to save 50, you will be discouraged when you can't keep up, and scrap the whole thing. But by the same token, 1.00 a week at that income is practical, and you will be satisfied when week after week, you can keep your nest egg growing. If you can do more, by all means do, but always set aside the original amount you decided on.Next, remember fun, no matter what income you are in. A loaf of bread, some baloney and koolaide for a picnic in the park with your family isn't gonna bankrupt anyone! Or fix your regular meal, and cart it to the park, the extra effort will be worth it. There are lots of free or cheap things to do for fun year round, if you use your imagination.Then there are those less fortunate to be remembered. What? I can't make ends meet now, and you want me to give things away that cost me money? Yeppers, I sure do! A plate of food from your supper to an ailing neighbor, the coat you were gonna put in the yard sale to a child whose coat is worn and tattered, etc, etc, get the idea? And all the while you will be teaching your family important values, and immensely increasing your own self esteem!Next, pay your bills on time, or make arrangements with your creditors if you have to be late, but never ignore them. Pay ahead, and if you have a mortgage, and some extra money, then pay the extra on the principal, and save yourself some interest charges in the long run!Next, be frugal, but not fanatical! You will have a much happier family if you remind them that if the electric bill is lower this month, you can spring for a movie! But if you nag and belittle, at best you will get grudgeing compliance, {and then only when you are LOOKING!}Then, save by by substituting, and cutting back by just a little in every thing you use: food, electricity, {candlelight instead of lightbulbs,} cut back on consumption of all goods by 10%, and I bet your family won't notice, or feel deprived if you are creative in how you do it. Use your imagination, and be creative, there are lots of things that can substitute for other things, and a lot less expensive.Next, always buy all you can afford when it is on sale! Even the tighest budjet can buy an extra can of peas when they are on sale for a quarter. And you know if you only get one package of cookies at Walmart, you can buy those gloves on closeout for a buck, and put them up for the kids for next year! Last but not least, laugh and love in all you do, for these things will bring you the best kind of wealth, the kind that will help you manage ALL areas of your life, including your budjet!

ADVICE ON MOTHERHOOD...I am MOTHER! Hear me ROAR! or is it SNORE?

I have two grown children, and now grandchildren. As a mother, I have ROARED, and sometimes SNORED! But more importantly, I have got the education of a lifetime!!!Let me tell you when I have ROARED: When both children were born. When they were sick, or discouraged, and when they learned something new. I roared when they taught me to see things thru their eyes, and when their opinions of things didn't reflect my own. I also roared when they were happy, or sad, or angry, or impatient, or tired.Like a mother lioness, there are different kinds of roars in the human species, too. Mothers who haven't learned to roar will have children who never learn to soar! Listen and learn, mothers, and roar your lungs out!You are the best friend your child has ever had, or ever will have, but you have to be prepared for this mega responsibility. You must be ready to watch your child soar, and fall, and fail, and excell, and have their feelingsss hurt, and win, and lose, and all the while, you must know what type of roar you need!You will roar, and they may or may not join in, much to your dismay, or to your joy! And mother, you must prepare yourself to roar until you draw your last breath, as your children will forevermore need their best friend.Now let me tell when I have SNORED, and beleive me that if you, too, can snore thru these events, your life will be much, much, more peacefull! I have snored thru: the terrible twos, my childrens peer pressure, the teen years, purple hair, teaching them to cook, teaching them to drive, being told that 12 year old tommy or cindy was so much smarter than I, and eventually when they each set up their own housekeeping.Let me explain the difference between roaring and snoring, o.k.? Roaring is when you are very vocal, full of emotion, and are wearing your "MOTHER " clothes. Snoring is when you are full of emotion, but have CHOSEN to put aside your "MOTHER" clothes for the more comfortable " This , too, will pass" clothes.Every day of your life, from the moment you become a mother, you must choose weather to roar or snore~ so choose very, very, carefully, as lives and personalities are affected forever.

ADVICE ON LOSS OF LOVED ONE

She died, and I was crushed because she had been my best friend for over 15 years.

We had raised our children together, laughed, cried, and spent almost every morning together over a cup of coffee.

I had been there for her 3 years previously, when her 48 year old beloved husband died of cancer, and she was there for my husband and me when we grieved because we missed him.

She took to riding her husbands motorcycle after his death, saying she felt close to him when she rode it. And she died on that motorcycle, when another driver in a car didn't see her, and hit her head on.

At first I was so angry at her, because she didn't have on a helmet when that car hit her, and i had begged her so many times to wear one.My anger at her lasted for a few weeks, then overwhelming greif overtook me, and I felt devastated all over again.

I have lots of friends, and a very supportive family, and they all tried to say and do the right thing that would comfort me, and help me, but I just wanted to wallow in greif, and by golly, I did!

It didn't bring her back, and it didn't help me any, either.

But I will tell you honestly what did help me: It helped when my other friends let me cry in their presence, and understood, and kept coming back, instead of trying to avoid me because they didn't know what to say or do.

It helped when I talked excessively about her, and what a good friend she had been, and noone tried to change the subject. It helped when other friends did some of the things she did, even though it was not something they would normally do, they did it because they loved me, and that sunk in.

It helped when people didn't try to "spare" me by not mentioning her name. It helped that noone told me I had to get over it, or snap out of it, or she wouldn't want me so sad, etc., because I knew all this, and they knew it, too.

It helped when my other friends cried because I cried, even though some of them didn't know her as well as I did. And it helped when for no reason, after months had passed, and I would break out crying, and someone just hugged me, or held me, or looked in my eyes, and understood.

If this all sounds like I was a pitiful, weak wreck of a person who needed lots of support and comfort, then I have made you understand just a tenth of how horrible I felt.

This beloved friend of mine gave me so much, we shared so much, and she was the only person that would tell me the absolute unvarnished truth about anything I would ask her: "Hey, Elyse, do you like my new haircut?"

"Nope, I think it makes your face look too full, but luckily, your hair grows fast!"And ultimately, with her death, she gave me one more thing....She once again gave me love, unconditional,undeserved sometimes, even unwanted sometimes LOVE.

People loved me thru this, and sometimes I was not lovable, I went thru all kinds of emotions, I was angry, and jealous that noone else had this pain, and sometimes I was just plain confused.

But these wonderfull freinds and family of mine never gave up on me, and once again I realized the value of freindship, and caring, and most of all, love.

Heres to you, Elyse, your love and freindship will never leave me, I feel it every day of my life. Thank you, my dear friend!

ADVICE ON TEACHING YOUR CHILD....CHILDREN LEARN BY EXAMPLE

He stomped the frog, and.........we all looked at the brown spot on the sidewalk in disbeleif!
He was our 4 year old son, and we were shocked when we saw the baby frog on the side walk, and he nonchalantly went over and stomped it to death right before our eyes.
When his dad asked why he had done that, and he replied "wanted to", my husband promptly turned him over his knee and spanked him.
The words he said to him my son who is now 23 still remembers.

He said" Son, don't you ever kill something just for the thrill of killing it. If you kill any living thing, be prepared to eat it, unless you are defending yourself from harm.

A little frog might seem like a small thing, but I am so glad my husband saw the importance of such an act.
My son has never forgot it, and he has carried those words with him to this day. He learned a valuble lesson that day, and certainly gained some respect for his dad.

I think that part of the problem with our kids and violence is, most of the time they do not have to suffer the consequences of their actions.

And there is an ever growing opinion that spanking teaches violence. Hogwash! Spanking in an acceptable manner is o.k., and lets the child suffer the consequences of their actions.

Violence is taught when you've had a bad day at work, and come home and beat your child for no reason. This teaches violence because the child sees that the abuser gets a form of pleasure , even tho the child has done nothing wrong to suffer for.

There is a BIG difference.And society must take part of the responsibility for the violence we allow our children to witness.

We do not make our children accountable anymore, and this presents big problems. Parents and those in authority who do not punish for misbehavior because "they are just kids", are sending a dangerous message to our young.

What can you do?

Make sure young people around you know that there will be reactions for their actions. They sooner we learn this in life, the better we will be.

And don't be foolish enough to tell your child that violence is unacceptable, without showing them proper ways to vent their anger.
Anger left to fester will breed violence, for sure.

Don't just prohibit violent television in your home, its a big mistake I have seen parents make.
Watch a few of the less violent shows together, and point out the violence and how wrong it is as you are watching together.

Your child will soon be choosing not to watch those kind of shows on their own, with your early, gentle guidance.But remember, we cannot just tell our young, we must show them!

If you tell them how much you hate violence, and then run your fist thru the wall when you are angry, you have lost your credibility, and who is better to teach your child values? It is up to you, will you set the good example or the bad one?

Choose carefully, because YOU do set an example...ONE or the OTHER!!