ADVICE FOR CAREGIVERS.....Are YOU an adult caregiver? Then say this out loud.....

I need help. I need a break. I need some time for myself. If you are an adult caregiver, these are things you will sooner or later say to yourself. Learn now to say them out loud. Say them to those in a position to provide "releif" care for your loved one. And do not feel guilty, because Mom, Dad, Grandma, or whoever will most definately benefit from a break from you, also.We kept my aged grandmother in our home for 6 months before her death, to keep her from going to a nursing home to be cared for by strangers. And at the time, our 2 children were 8 and 9. It was very difficult, as grandma had severe medical problems, and my husband worked 3 different shifts. Don't misunderstand, we all would do it over again in a heartbeat!But this is not an easy job, and it probably is not something everyone is cut out for. Grandma had severe diabetes, a colostomy, cancer, and eventually cognitive loss. I am an Activity Coordinator, and had been a cna and cma for 15 years before we took grandma into our home, so I had some training into how to care for her.I also have talked to many families who ended up putting their loved one in a nursing home, because they cannot keep up the pace. And sometimes, this is the best choice. But if you have decided to give dependent adult care a try, then there are several things you should know first.First, learn to reach out for help. Do not try to do it all yourself, it is unreasonable , and you will end up bitter, and your loved one will feel the pressure, so ask for help, take time for yourself, and family!!! You all will be better off in the long run.Secondly, and very important, do not do for them anything they are capable of doing themselves. We all must maintain some level of dignity to remain happy and mentally healthy. So, if grandma can comb her own hair, but cannot walk to get to the comb, then hand her the comb and let her do it herself. Even people with advanced stages of cognitive loss can usually do certain tasks. It will be your challenge to seek out what they are capable of doing, and allow them to do it. Don't insult their dignity by combing their hair for them, when all they really needed was for you to get the comb for them! Get the idea?Next, listen, really listen to their opinions! You might not agree, but you can certainly give them the courtesy of truly listening. And I want to clue you in on something: They probably have already forgot more than you know, so just keep that in mind.Another thing to remember is to give your loved one some space. No one wants someone with them all the time, and neither does grandma, or whoever. So when she is watching t.v., or whatever, go into another room and give her some time to collect her thoughts, or pick her nose in private, for goodness sakes!Ask before you do, even if it has to be done, ASK FIRST, even if there is no response, ask, ask, ask! Simply put: Grandma, could I wash your face for you? no response, lets say, then: O.K., I am gonna wash your face now, hope you feel refreshed now, or whatever. Even people with cognitive loss need to be allowed the option of choice. Even when they aren't capable of making the choice, you are leaving their dignity intact, and this is so important.And in closing, I can tell you that you will run the gamut of emotions when you are an adult caregiver, but the rewards of caring for someone you love, and who has loved you will be forevermore in your heart. And one final thing, you notice I have frequently used the term adult caregiver?? Always remember they are ADULTS and not children, whatever the circumstances. Speak to adults in adult speak. Pretty simple, but very important.And last, God Bless you in your efforts, and may He guide you, and strengthen you, your rewards will be many, but your praises will be few.